Costly Inconveniences

We are all inconvenienced.  Every single day.

We are all annoyed, and usually we are only mildly effected by the actions of others.

But yet, we all get incredibly frustrated.  Reasonably so?  Maybe not.

This blog follows the events of real life occurrences that have inconvenienced the two authors.

And at the end of each event, there is a listed fee.  That is, an “Inconvenience Fee.”  Deservedly so.

This is a small (sometimes) surcharge for having to deal with such an annoyance.

We hope you enjoy it.

If not, please let us know so we can issue the appropriate inconvenience fee.

 

Advertisements

Letter to Idiot Driver in Black Car

black car

Dear Idiot Driver in Black Car,

Do you remember this?  Do you remember being such an a@*hole?

Take a close look at this diagram:

——————————-

    <—   <—-  <—-

——————————–

            median

———————————–

-> BUS   —->   —->

————               ————-

               l     O   l

               l     N   l

               l     Y   l

In the above scenario, the bus is heading southbound.

O is a black car – YOU!!

N is a random car.

Y is me in my car.

The median prevents people from turning left.  O, N, and Y only have the option of turning right.  Obviously.

I do not think you understand the rules of the road when it comes to having to stop for a bus.  You were waiting to turn RIGHT.  I was behind the person behind you, also waiting to turn RIGHT.

The bus, which was to our LEFT, had stopped, requiring the people BEHIND him to stop.  There were no people in front of us…  what you saw there in front of you was all empty space with no traffic and no people.

That stop sign on the bus did not apply to you.   As not only were you in front of the bus heading AWAY from it, but you were also perpendicular to him.  Do you stop at every stop sign that is perpendicular to you?!

What the hell were you thinking?!  I don’t understand why you would just SIT THERE waiting, as if you had nothing better to do than wait.  

As if “I” had nothing better to do that wait.  

The length of time you were sitting there could have allowed for me to get to work an extra 2 minutes faster than I did.

Please read the driver’s manual at the DMV this weekend to make up for your idiocy and report back to me on Monday.  I hate being inconvenienced like this.

And you might want to think about cutting your hair, too.

Love,

Me

INCONVENIENCE FEE – $13.00

Letter to My Annoying Classmate

student working at desk

To my classmate:

On one night each week for a period of 8 weeks, we shared a table in class. We each sat in a chair at a table that was sufficiently big enough for 2 people. It even contained a slot in the middle to insert cords, should your needs require such a thing. Everybody who has ever sat at a table throughout the span of time knows that the slot denotes the center and that each person should stay on his or her side of it.

Everybody but you, that is.

It is the boundary line. It’s just like when you were a kid and the imaginary line divided the room in half between you and your sibling’s halves, but this is actually real. And it is highly visible. It’s so visible that it can be annoying and take up too much room.

It is unacceptable that you took up ¾ of the table and I was forced to move all the way to my side, squished, with insufficient room to spread out my things. I understand that you are a bigger person than I, so you could have just moved over a little bit to the other side and moved your damn books over too. They and your leg definitely shouldn’t be intruding in my space. In addition, it is more than disturbing when you keep on fidgeting and banging the underside of the table with your clumsy legs. It is even more disturbing when you have to release the nervous energy that you have by bouncing your leg up and down quickly. This is not only annoying and distracting, yet it is made hugely worse when this said leg is touching the table, making the whole thing shake.

This is a huge inconvenience to me!

It’s great when I point it out and ask you to stop, so you do, and then you start at it again two minutes later. I also like it when you do this during exams and I am forced to sit through it, unable to speak to you about it.

I also can see all the pictures of girls in bikinis that you look at on your phone when you think nobody else knows.

Best wishes to your next table-mate,

Your annoyed and inconvenienced classmate

INCONVENIENCE FEE: $7.00 and 15 points on the final exam

Letter to Careless Driver

Classic muscle car clipart

Dear Careless Driver,

Do you know what “lines” are?  Yes, I said Lines.

Do you know what they are for?

I am asking this for a reason.  There are, and have been for as long as I can remember, these very cool lines on the road.  They can be solid or dotted, and also white or yellow.

And get this – they have a purpose!!

They’re not there just for fun – although lines can be fun, especially if they are different styles and colors.  The lines are actually there to keep YOU safe!  Yes, you!! (And me and everyone else, too.)

How do they do it?  Here’s the trick.   Some lines allow people to pass or require them to stay in their lane, but for some lanes, like in the one we were in, all drivers on the road are supposed to stay IN BETWEEN the lines.

You may have heard of this concept while coloring in kindergarten.  If we all stay inside our lines, we will not collide, just like blue and yellow can stay original and not turn into green.

Were you trying to mold our cars into one car?  I mean, you decisively (and with no regard for me) transitioned into my lane while we were turning.  What the heck?!

Do you have an obsession with metallic blue, perhaps?  My car is silver.  Yours is blue – maybe you just like whatever combined color that would be? I admit, metallic blue does sound cool, but I have to believe that there is a much better way to achieve this goal.

Now, you are not the first to drift out of his lane while turning left.  And, I’m sorry to disappoint you in informing you that you’re not my first of this experience, either.   Unfortunately, I do not believe that you will be my last.

I wish I knew where you are now so I could send you a few coloring books and a big box of 128 crayons.  I think you would enjoy this new concept and challenge.

You were a great inconvenience to me because I had to swerve when I didn’t want to.  Not appreciated.

Love,

Me

INCONVENIENCE FEE – $7.50

Letter to Woman Who Sprayed Too Much Perfume

perfume use this

To the woman who sprayed way too much perfume in the public bathroom,

What the hell are you thinking?!

Seriously!

It was that time of the morning, after I’d had my coffee, and I walked down the hall to use the facilities.   I enter the bathroom common area, as I always do, just minding my own business.

BAM!

I felt as if I was hit by a truck – a Mack truck full of massive, foul-smelling perfume.

Now, I can understand if you had to poop and then sprayed some air freshener.  I get that.  We all know how awkward that can be.

But that’s not what this was.

This was you not giving a shit about anyone but yourself.   Not caring that other people entering this bathroom area might not want to smell this scent – much less smell LIKE it when they leave the bathroom because they’ve now been pretty much doused in it!

If I want to wear perfume of any kind, I will purchase it and spray it myself.

And I will give you a suggestion – when I do spray it, I will spray it just one time.  Yes, just ONCE.  I will then walk through it, as to just allow a nice hint of a pleasant scent.   I will not spray about 10 sprays all over so that it sticks with me and everyone within a 2 mile radius.

This was such an inconvenience to me.  I had to sit through this smell while I peed, and then people thought that I actually purchased and used this perfume the rest of the day!  I could’ve gone up the stairs to another bathroom, but that would’ve taken about 20 extra seconds that I did not have!

Please go to the ENT to get your sense of smell checked.  This has got to stop.

Love,

Me

INCONVENIENCE FEE – $8.00

Letter to My Mysterious Cats

cat

Dear my lovely little cats,

How in the world do the three of you bring dirt into a condo on the second floor when you are indoor cats?  I really want to know the answer to this question.

I walked in my otherwise clean home and found piles of dirt in three sections of my house.  But not just anywhere in my house.  No.  You all go for the gold when making piles of dirt.  Where, you ask?

On my bed.

Yes, my bed.

Now, I understand that this area is where you sleep.  But so do I!

My immediate freak-out screamed FLEAS!  So without a blink, you all got a nice dose of anti-flea treatment.   It’s your own fault, really.

Then, my investigation began.  I know – I’ll get this handy-dandy flashlight.  It will help me see more clearly.  Those nasty little fleas!  Wait – it doesn’t really LOOK like flea dirt.  But what else could it be?  Nah, must be fleas. I must treat the whole house!  Wash everything!

Let the search continue!

Well, you little Shits, after much investigation, I decided to get tape and pick up a specimen to see if the dirt turned red under water.  This would let me know if you were either just plain slobs (yep)? Or perhap little magical kitties who know how to open doors, loosen screen door screws, jump down from the second floor, party all night, parcour and then leverage yourselves back upstairs, repair the screen, close and lock the door, and pretend like nothing happened.

Well, you thought you had me fooled, you magical little felines.  But you forgot to clean up the evidence!

But really, HOW did you get piles of dirt on my bed?  This is such an inconvenience to me!

Please look the other way while I set up the kitty cam.

Love,

Me

Inconvenience fee – 2 cans of Fancy Feast

Letter to “Permanent” Filling

Teeth Clipart 

Dear “Permanent” Filling,

The other day, I was enjoying a pleasant evening.  Relaxing.  Having a bite to eat.  Then suddenly…  CRUNCH!  From my mouth!

Wait, um, was that a piece of something from my dinner?  Was I eating something crunchy?  It had to be that.  Right?  I chose to let it be.  Ignoring what was the more likely situation.

Well, much to my delight, the next day, as I was eating breakfast, I felt a sudden sharp, shooting pain for an instant in the same spot.

Oh, no.

I slowly moved my tongue to the spot.  What the heck is that?

It’s a hole.

A hole in my tooth.

Well, apparently the crunch was actually a filling that had come out (and that I apparently chewed and swallowed) while I was eating.

Now, I am left with a choice – go to the dentist to have it refilled (not a good option), or leave it alone and don’t chew on that side … forever (also not a good option).

You see, as you may have figured out already, I do not enjoy going to the dentist.  I have what one may call an irrational fear.  Or maybe not so irrational, but a fear nonetheless.  I have had many painful experiences at the dentist’s office over the years (well, okay, just one, but it definitely left an impact).

Thus, I am annoyed.  I am annoyed that my teeth will not cooperate with me.  I am annoyed that my tongue keeps playing with that spot – as if it’s not going to be there next time I glide over it.

But most of all, I am annoyed that I was misled.  I thought a permanent filling was just that… Permanent!  What the hell?

Don’t call something permanent if it’s only temporary.  That’s misleading, and very, very annoying.

And now I have to eat my yogurt without a granola bar, which is quite an inconvenience because it’s not nearly as good that way.

Next time, please behave yourself.  And stay put!

Love,

Me

Inconvenience fee – $3.50

Letter to Screw in the Road

screw

Dear Screw,

I just have one question:  Why?

I was on my way home, minding my own business, enjoying the drive, looking forward to getting home and relaxing.

Unbeknownst to me, you were laying in the road somewhere ahead of me, apparently waiting patiently to ruin my evening.

I turned a corner, and suddenly start to hear thud, thud, thud… forcing me to pull over.   What?  Oh no.

I step out of my car and walk towards this new annoyance.  And what do I discover?  YOU!  A big screw with a HUGE head protruding out of my now flat tire.

On a Sunday night.

At 6:00 PM.

When there is no place open to get assistance.

I had to get up extra early on Monday, which I did not enjoy, to get you pulled out and my tire plugged.  All is well now, but no thanks to you.   This was a huge inconvenience to me.

Now, you are in the garbage.

Love,

Me

Inconvenience fee – $3.00

Letter to Friend Arriving Late

clock1

Dear Friend Arriving Late,

So, yesterday I invited you over.  You were going to come over around 4:00 p.m. with your daughter.  We enjoy spending time together and so do our kids.

I envisioned that you both would come arrive at 4, we would eat around 5:30 or 6, and then you would leave around 7:30 or so.  Your daughter would probably spend the night.  I could then go get comfy and sit on the couch to relax.

But no.  You had to have an emergency at work.

Now I realize you have a job where you are sort of “on call”, but I do not like being inconvenienced.  This normally wouldn’t be a problem because if you just could not come over, that would be fine.

But no.  You told me about this long delay and then said that you would see me as soon as you got home.

Wait, what?

You were to come at 4 and now you still think the invitation for your ARRIVAL is open until 7:30?!   My entertaining ship has already sailed.

Now, if I’m being honest, I have to admit that this one is actually my bad because you came by with a pizza and told me you couldn’t stay.  Your daughter did stay, as expected.

BUT I was still inconvenienced for the hour during which I knew you were coming and I thought you were staying over.

Please don’t do that again.  I don’t appreciate your work coming before me.

Love,

Me

Inconvenience fee – $2.00

Letter to Person Going the Wrong Way in the Parking Garage

I do not like parking garages.  I never have.  They give me a claustrophobic type of feeling, and I just don’t like them.  However, I deal with it because that’s where I have to park.

As long as everyone follows the rules, there shouldn’t ever be a problem.

You see, in most parking garages, the traffic goes in one direction.  This assists in keeping accidents from happening.  Not only does traffic go in one direction, but in most cases, as in this one, there are signs and arrows informing drivers of which way to go.  YOU, however, apparently decided that you are the ONE person that does not need to follow these directions.

I know what you were trying to do.  Take a look at this diagram.

parking garage

As you came up the ramp (on left of the diagram), the arrow pointed left to inform you that, yes, you must turn left.  Not right.  It is clear as day and one really cannot come to any other conclusion than, “I must go left.”  But there was a parking spot about 5 spots to the right, so what do you do?  Instead of going left and taking the 10 seconds or so it would’ve taken you to get to that same spot, you rush to the right, because your selfish little self MUST get that spot before someone else does!

As I think it’s very clear, the X’s in the diagram are cars parked in the parking garage.  The circles represent YOU, coming up the ramp and going right instead of left, and the square is me, going in the direction I am supposed to be going.

Now any other time, I just stay in the middle of the lane (since it is one way, after all), but since you were coming towards me, I was inconvenienced because I had to veer to the right before turning left to head out of the parking garage!

Why do you think you’re so special that you can break the rules to get that spot?  You’re not.  You are just like the rest of us.  And if you would’ve gone the right way, there were better spots that you missed out on!

Plus, your car is ugly.

Love,

Me

Inconvenience Fee – $9.00

Letter to Oblivious Man Walking Across the Street

walking

To the guy walking slowly across the street,

We all love holiday weekends.  We get an extra day off of work.  We eat and drink more than usual.  We can have as much fun and relaxation as we would like. 

Personally, when I have fun plans that involve hot food, I prefer to arrive as early or quickly as possible (if I am the one bringing the hot food) so that I can enjoy a hot meal.  You, apparently, do not seem to be of the same mindset. 

On this particular Saturday (Memorial Day weekend), I was driving down a busy road on my way to get some lunch.  You had food on your mind as well because you were carrying a pizza when I saw you. 

This would be the only thing that we would have in common that day. 

I was pretty hungry, so I was eagerly and quickly making my way to my destination.  You, on the other hand, were in no hurry, as was indicated by your actions.  As I was driving down this busy road and approaching you, you began to cross the road in front of me.  I expected a normal situation – possibly crossing the road quickly or at an intersection.   You decided to delight me and chose to be abnormal.  You made a very poor decision and crossed a busy road, away from an intersection, all while moving very, very slowly. 

Where was your sense of urgency to avoid being hit? 

More importantly, where was your sense of urgency to deliver that pizza while it was still hot?  I’m sure your friends are as disappointed in you as I am, as I was inconvenienced in having to wait about 5 seconds for you to cross the road.  

I hope the pizza maker slipped an anchovy in your slice.

Love,

Me

INCONVENIENCE FEE – $3.50